The Human Side of Networking

Moving Beyond Transactions

i have a somewhat complicated relationship with networking. Like many things that matter deeply, it's not a simple love or hate thing, it's both, often simultaneously, and my journey with it has taught me more about human connection than i ever expected.

When i first started my company, 33 Sticks, i had a lot of time on my hands as we didn’t have our first paying customers for more than 3 months, so i did what everyone told me i should do with that time, i networked.

So, with no clients and plenty of time, i drove hours to attend local networking events around Utah, and flew to Southern California to work the rooms in Santa Monica and Venice.

In Utah, these gatherings often felt like speed dating gone wrong, everyone a self-proclaimed CEO or founder, each person racing to tell you about their "revolutionary" or "disruptive" startup. i'd stand there thinking, "i just want to build something meaningful so i don't have to hate going to work every day."

The contrast in Southern California was pretty notable, there the events seemed more centered more around knowledge sharing and genuine socializing, less about collecting business cards and more about building real connections.

But even the better networking events left me wondering if there wasn't a more authentic way to build relationships. And as such, i began declining invitations to these manufactured networking lunches and gatherings. Instead, i chose to invest in something that we’ve been told, and they are probably right, doesn’t scale, one-on-one time with people. Time dedicated to truly getting to know them not for what they could do for me, but for who they are as people, as entrepreneurs, as humans sharing this journey.

With that said, the irony isn't lost on me that without networking, i probably wouldn't have a company or a career. But it's not the kind of networking you might think.

Throughout my career, i've maintained this perhaps over-the-top confidence that even if everything fell apart, i'd be okay. Yes, part of that comes from expertise and intelligence but the larger part comes from this rich tapestry of relationships i've cultivated over many, many years.

i think about the time i took a road trip with my family from Utah to San Diego. In Las Vegas, friends reached out wanting to take me and my daughter out for coffee. In Rancho Cucamonga, others arranged an incredible sushi dinner for us. By the time we reached San Diego, someone offered us a boat tour of the bay, while another friend opened up their cabin to us. No matter the country or city, there always seems to be someone willing to share their time, their space, their life with me and my family.

These connections proved their worth most powerfully during crisis. Several years ago, when a massive wildfire threatened our home in Utah, coming within feet of our property, we faced the aftermath of a burnt to a crisp landscape that became high-risk for landslides.

When the inevitable happened and a torrential rainstorm triggered a huge mudslide, i mentioned it on social media. Within hours, friends and acquaintances showed up with shovels, boots, and heavy equipment, ready to help. No questions asked, no favors expected, just people showing up when needed.

My father-in-law drove in from Bakersfield, my best friend’s father hoped on a plane at LAX and flew in to run the equipment. i was humbled and brought me to tears. i feel those same tears welling up just typing this out.

Friends showed up to cleanup all the mud.

The contrast between these genuine connections and superficial networking hits home every time i get those automated texts from my insurance agent. Twice-yearly messages that come like clockwork, one for my birthday, one for policy renewal. There's never a "Hey, how are you doing after that mudslide?" or "Did everything work out with the flood damage?" Just automated well-wishes and sales pitches.

This is what i've learned about true networking, it's not about building a powerful roster of people who can help you advance your career. It's about creating genuine connections with people you can support, not because you want something in return, not to bank a favor for later, but because you genuinely want to help.

I'm no networking expert, i haven't written books about it or given keynote speeches on the topic. But i can tell you this, my life has been made infinitely richer by an incredible group of people who show up during both the celebrations and the challenges, and i know it's because i've invested in these relationships with authenticity, not agenda.

As we are in this season of giving, as people rush to send their performative holiday wishes and new year's greetings, perhaps it's worth asking ourselves, “Are we building networks or are we building relationships? Are we collecting connections or are we creating community?“

The difference might seem subtle, but for me it's everything.

Much Love 💛

-jason

P.S. i want to thank the incredible Wil Reynolds for inspiring me to write this.